2 weeks of school have passed and i guess i'm gradually adjusting to school once again.
The past 2 weeks have been up and down. Somehow it feels like i've lesser time than other people..haha. Friends around me seem to be able to finish their tutorials really quickly, read their textbooks, have free days, post questions on forum, so on and so forth. For the past week, i admit i was getting a lil stressed up, realising that i'm starting to get blur during lectures and seeing people working really hard. Perhaps i might say it's the environment around me, it's the faculty i'm in, it's the people around me..but all in all, i think i am the cause of my own stress. but now, i'm taking things a lil easier.
thank you for hearing me today =) i must have been whiny. hee hee.
Today i went to meet Jo for some crusade updates and short prayer. And she mentioned about how the news talked about the coming of the end of the world. How everything seems chaotic now..nuclear warfare, environmental disasters, upside down climate order etc. Then i asked myself, if there's only 5 mins left before the end of the world, am i still gonna make myself so stressed up, thinking about the amount of work i need to do? No...i'ld much rather spend the last 5 mins of my life spreading the gospel of God and sharing God's love with someone.
I have to admit that there's a competitive streak in me. And i'm trying really hard to get rid of it. It comes on and off...not all the time. I questioned myself what's the reason for me feeling this way...wanting to do better than the rest? wanting to show other people i'm gd? wanting to prove to myself that i can do it? wanting to have a good stable career? but as i asked myself this question, i realised how much unnecessary worries i've brought upon myself. Many a times, i tell people to 'just do your best and leave the rest to God' yet i so often don't do what i preach. silly aint i. but today as i talk it out with u, and as the questions bombard my head, i realised that such competitiveness may bring short term happiness (for eg, doing well in a test or exam) but deep down, such happiness is empty.
totally empty.
it's empty if u just wanna do well for pride or for any other human reasons. Yet, it would mean so much more if you did well for God's glory. Don't mistaken me...doing badly wld not mean not glorifying God. In fact, as long as u do your best, place your trust in Him, whether or not u do well is not for me to decide but God...and by doing His will and having the right heart, i'm already glorifying God. And that's all it matters. Bringing a smile to God's face is all that gives me complete joy. J.O.Y = Jesus, Others, Yourself. I should always place myself last. By focusing on Jesus and then helping others, i wld experience true joy.
I've fallen. Many times actually. I rise and fall...rise and fall down again. I fall short of my inadequacies. We all do from time to time. But all it takes is that courage and faith to stand up again. I've been tempted very often to do well for my studies, tempted to place my books before the bible, tempted to study before prayer...so many temptations, so hard to resist. But God is faithful. He'll never give me a temptation too hard to bear...He'll always provide a way out for me no matter how difficult it may be. I may continue to fall...but i'm not afraid to fall coz i'll stand up again and i know you'll pull me up. =)
I'll continue to struggle..i know it. It's never easy to change and totally apply what you preach...saying is always much easier than doing. Friends, do remind me from time to time when i'm straying..simple reminders will do me good =) It's gonna take a while i guess, but i'm not giving up. I may whine, i may cry, i may struggle, but i know God and you will always be there to comfort me and give me strength.
thanks for being there. =)
I'm growing day by day...and i thank God for all these struggles for it's through all these that makes me realise how unworthy i am of His love.. and its times like these that i humble myself, and depend on God... turn back to Him and discover for myself the true beauty and wonder of knowing my Lord, Jesus Christ.
i love my Father.
